The Second Post- my aren't these titles interesting?

My Logic is battling with what I feel right now. Sometimes I want to waste away down to 6st or possibly less, even just to see if i can do it again. But luckily those times are few and far between now. I just want to be 7st6, it sounds right. But then the logic comes in that even if I were at that weight then it wouldn't seem quite light enough. Although BMI-wise it would make me underweight; that's the stupid thing, everything that is in the 'normal' range just seems fat to me. I'm talking about on myself before anyone gets offended.
I sound disgustingly self-indulgent, but this is a blog, everything in this is self-indulgent. If I were just to state the things that other people are doing around me it would make this rather mundane.
After reading other people's blogs it's made me realise that no matter how people appear to be, they all feel and think the same way. They all seem to be having an identity crisis, all feel lonely and like nobody understands them. The things they admit to on here, if people knew what they were thinking every single one of them would say 'If you ever need to talk...'. You have no idea how many people say that to me! With half of them I bet that if I went to them with a problem they would just zone out as i spoke and give a sympathetic look, all the while thinking 'that's not that bad, geez shut up and let me get on with my life, i have my own problems too you know'. It annoys me when people attempt compassion but they're only doing it to be socially adequate and don't actually want to follow through on it. It makes me laugh though, it triggers the s club 7 song in my head, where the lyrics go 'when the world leaves you feeling blue, you can count on me I will be there for you'.
These things make you wonder though, why are people so self-deprecating? What is the point? Do we do it to fit in? I wonder that if everyone was self-appreciative (I'm guessing that's the opposite) whether people would try to fit in with that, rather than constantly looking for affirmation where there is none; only desperation and self-pity. However people that are genuinely self-appreciative are either admired or envied, and therefor despised.

Anywaay, those are just things I thought about during my 4 hours of revision today, it was supposed to be 6 but i am so lazy. Instead I spent those assigned 2 hours making a christmas present for my best friend. I'm hoping that she likes it, I don't expect her face to light up or anything, but at least not to do the whole fake gratitude that you see people doing on their birthdays after they've opened like the 7th present and they're appreciation and 'OH THANK YOU!' s are wearing thin.

Merry Christmas everyone :)

xxx

The First Post

Well, i don't really need to do an introduction seeing as the only people that will read this know me anyway.
I have to say it's been pretty interesting reading other people's blogs, it's like an insight to their brain with things they never share with you, no matter how good friends you are. It always makes you wonder whether you can ever really know people, but i guess that's the point; you don't.

My day today was average. I stayed over at my sister's house, the oldest one that lives in Southampton. Baaaad nights sleep; i woke up at about 5:30am and did not get back to sleep until 8. My brain was being over-active, because i could not stop thinking about how different my life would be if i went back to last year with the knowledge i have now. It's something everyone wonders, but if tv has taught me anything it's that changing the past is always bad, but then again that's tv and it's just trying to tell you to have no regrets, which is stupid because everyone has regrets.
Also the fact that i was sleeping ona giant beanbag didn't help the comfort factor.
Anyway, got up at around 12:00pm. Gorged myself on 1 and half chicken tikka slices from tescos, and 2 chocolate bars and watched 'Strictly Ballroom' with my sister, then 'When Harry met Sally'. Both very good films. Then i got her chemistry teacher housemate to do a little tutoring seeing as i got an E in my mock exam- shiiit.
I came home and had a greasy sausage bagel sandwich- toasted with butter, which i did myself so it's my own fault that it was fatty, but i did wipe the grease off the 2 sausages with kitchen roll- there was really no point, was there? to remove the fats from the sausages but to add butter.

Anyway, my life continues and i have my holidays all planned out: wake up 9am/9:30am exercise for 1-2 hours, eat breakfast, then do 6 hours of revision with half hour breaks every 2 hours, then have my evenings free; probably to waste sitting mindlessly on the computer.

Well that's all for now x